Elizabeth Bathory was a Countess in the 16th century, a noblewoman of Hungary’s oldest and wealthiest families. Born in 1560 and bred to privilege, she was a sadistic psychopath with unbridled access, and ego, fueling her passion for eternal youth… through the means of killing young virgin women and bathing their blood. Over 600 of them. 

She was called the female Dracula, the Bloody Countess and born exactly100 years after Vlad the Impaler (also from Hungary and the Dracula, inspiration for myth and fable). The depth of her sadistic barbarism was unparalleled and well-documented. While of course the nobles abused the peasantry and their power to do so, she was quite inventive; and not in the “cut-off-your-head-off-put-on-stick-to-let-you-know-I-am-ruler-way” a la Vlad.

For example, she was the designer and commissioner of what now known as the Iron Maiden, which she put to use quite frequently. She

tied servants to trees (with conveniently located beehives), covered them in honey and left them there. She was fond of stopping her coach (on those long, wintrey treks between castles) after her daily fit of biting and ripping the flesh of a servant girl to then order water poured on her until the poor girl froze to death, standing up.  She was known to wield the hairbrush, the pin cushion and the pincers. She liked fire. She liked screams. And she liked to be draped in white linen and watch it turn red.

Woman of many fits and moods, obsessed at staring at herself in the mirror, Elizabeth had a Count and famed soldier for a husband and bisexual lovers (perhaps even her influential Aunt it was rumored). But she loved herself mostly. She also had a cadre of helpers (yes, including a dwarf, duh) to stealthily turn her castles into murderous places of black magic and blood baths (and inter-country fear at the very mention of her name leading to eventual secret court prosecution and punishment).

Now, I don’t want to ruin all the fun for you research hounds out there, so Google away – or for those more literate, enrich yourself and pick up a copy of the beautifully translated and historically lush “The Bloody Countess” by Valentine Penrose. Ever more still (a meaningful phrase to those who know Bathory!), try the truly haunting short story by Argentine poet Alejandra Pizarnik based on Penrose's work, reprinted in The Oxford Book of Gothic Tales edited by Chris Baldick.

“The path is snowy, and the somber lady bundled in furs inside the carriage grows deathly bored. Suddenly she calls the name of some girl in her entourage.” Alejandra Pizarnik, translated by Talia Shalev.

I shiver. Elizabeth was unrepentant to the end, unlike say, Gilles de

Rais, distant relative and infamous formidable freak of noble inbreeding and sexual depravity. Tip: also pick up a copy of “The Life and Death of My Lord Gilles de Rais,” another fabulously written peek into another historical anomaly of human behavior.

Now I am no fan of cold-blooded murder for the sake of murder (killing is bad), however Countess Bathory’s arrogance, gall, creativity and sheer drive has been intriguing to me over the years…eh, as is most sociopathic/ psychopathic behavior. “Why? What? How can you?” I ask.

So many questions into the psyche, that when the movie called Eternal was released about my mythical Countess (albeit straight to DVD I think), I wanted to hate it. When I saw previews for it on another Lion’s Gate film preview reel, I thought, “Cheese.” And I wasn’t hungry.

“Eternal” mercifully does not seek to recreate Elizabeth’s life story. Nay, it is INSPIRED BY her life as the opening disclaimer tells us. It creates a modern day tableaux of “What if she still lives? …Here is our version.” I relaxed and decided to give it a chance. Art is art after all.

Filmed in 2004 in Montreal, the story is this: a cop’s wife disappears leading him to the door of the mysterious and fabulously wealthy, sexually-attuned Elizabeth – uh…Kane. Yeah that’s her name. As he seeks to find his wife amidst growing mysterious circumstances, he becomes leading murder suspect within series of plot twists and turns accented with sexual and occult overtones. Well… maybe not overtones, we’re pretty much bludgeoned by it all. (Tee hee!).

Now the actors were really quite top notch for this task. I’d never heard of, nor seen any one in this film before; always good thing. Their sophisticated and open portrayals surprised me, regardless of the sometimes clichéd version of characters they played. I believed them, I did. 

Cliché, you say? You know; same old, same old in such a recap. Tough cop loses wife, mousy but cute wife secretly into women, finds chat room hottie, hottie is Elizabeth, Elizabeth is beautiful, rich and one tough bitch to boot (with most of the good one liners too), has a Rotweiller/sexy transmogrified minion (Damien had one too, yeah). Cop also has a son, who has a nerdy but naughty babysitter, cop has a best friend/partner, is screwing partner’s wife, becomes chief suspect after bodies start turning up, “How did my semen what?”…ahhh, yes we’ve seen it before.  

Yet all these characters bind and tie each other, and the story, together nicely. The main course of this movie is of course, sex. The idea of sex…and murder, and lust...

Dare I add: purity of heart? For all the prurient goings-on though, it is all rather tame, well done and manages a touch of erotica that is not too silly to not be believed. They seemed into it and that makes for a better film. Anyway, even the kid was believable in his small role. I believed the dog without question. Why do I care so much about authenticity? Not sure, except to a small degree the legend of Elizabeth is a bit of a sacred cow to me. She was audacious and horrific.

Back to the flick: It is also a decently written story with plenty of action and drama. When writing a review, I never want to tell you everything because then why the hell see it. I will tell you that it does accurately explain the lore of that which is TRUE about Elizabeth, though her lead helper and girl-wrangler, Irina was an old hag wet nurse mage and not some young pretty thing. It also takes plenty of creative licenses making an imaginative adaptation of her myth and how it might play out with today against a setting of international intrigue. Can you say, costume party in Venice?

And it also provides a fully realized tapestry of suspense,