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I try to see most horror movies that come out these days, and the unfortunate truth I have discovered is that the majority of them are rubbish. Whether they are simply rehashed plots with a few different twists or just plain stupid, the fact of the matter is they’re still being made – and horror fans like me are getting bored. Thankfully there is the occasional flick that comes along that is good enough to deserve our first official Talking Crow Five Round Salute. So sit back and listen to the sweet, beautiful gunfire as old Max fires off a few rounds on behalf of the latest good one: |
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As any horror aficionado knows most of the movies we love are made by men and more often then not for men. Based on this, you must keep in mind what all men (at least, those of my particular orientation) want. T and A. As much of it absurdly shoved onto the screen for as they possibly can for almost any reason. And Hostel delivers. I shit you not, the first forty-five minutes is nearly soft core porn. Thank goodness director and writer Eli Roth understands that he has to appeal to his core audience with more than just gore and scares. It takes hot chicks too. Bullseye. |
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Something I enjoy immensely in horror movies is realism. It’s always creepier to watch something that seems to be happening in someone’s day to day life that could be your own (well, not mine but yours maybe). We can all guarantee that we are not going to end up in a huge wormhole-jumping spaceship ala Event Horizon, but we can’t be sure we won’t be chasing tail while backpacking through |
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Eastern Europe at some point in our lives. What makes this type of scare so enjoyable is that it frightens you with the more disturbing psychological elements then the ‘got you!’ scare moments. Without giving too much away the Hostel scenario is totally plausible. To tell you the truth, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if it is actually happening somewhere in the world. The characters are also extremely believable. Some of them may feel just like you and react just as you would in the same extreme circumstances. And the worst part is that these characters don’t make necessarily bad decisions. All in all you’ll probably agree with most of their choices and that reminds you just a bit more of how plausible the scenario is. As an aside: take notes if you are planning on traveling soon… |
 Guess what that's used for? |
 Hmmm... no phallic imagery here... |
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Hostel gives us some of the most creative gory horror moments I’ve seen in a good bit of time. The victims get some serious pain inflicted and to some it might be hard to watch. Yours truly must have shouted: “son of a bitch that would hurt!” at least 4 times during the flick, and trust me I’m no stranger to danger. Additionally, if you pick this movie up do yourself a favor and get your hands on the unrated version. It gives you some scenes that are not for the squeamish by any means. From a drill to the leg to a garden hoe to the chest, Hostel delivers above and beyond on the heinous gore we all love. |
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It is well and good to see evil win, but there is a certain satisfaction we all get when the good guys pull through. Hostel gives our hero a very fitting couple of moments of revenge as the film winds down and I was exceptionally satisfied that Eli Roth wrote them in. Sure they work out just a little too well if you think about it, but it goes back to the films ability to appeal to horror aficionados. We want a film that gives us the creeps, grosses us out, |
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| and at very least entertains us. Ideally we want all of these. We don’t need a ridiculously intricate plot or intense character development. Sure it’s great when these things are done well but it’s also just as enjoyable to get a straight to the point – well done – not to deep but deep enough that you can empathize – film. |
 My dentist nightmares continue... |
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This effect is similar to what makes Jaws a great movie. I would be willing to put money on the fact that there isn’t a single person who has seen Jaws and not gotten just a bit freaked out the next time they took a swim. And I can guarantee that once you seen this film and if you happen to find yourself somewhere out traveling far from home you’ll think twice, even if it’s just for a moment, before trusting the seemingly innocent locals. The |
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torture scenes might just run through the back of your mind if you hear a bump in the night, and you may find yourself looking over your shoulder a bit more often than usual. You may not need your mommy when you watch it, but it’ll get to you. It’s got that type of effect and when a horror movie can leave an impression it only serves as another great reason to make sure you check it out. So there you have Max’s five rounds for Hostel. T and A, realism, gore, a satisfying bit of revenge, and some long term mental damage courtesy of Eli Roth’s twisted mind. One last thing comes to mind is a fantastic, albeit brief, cameo by Takashi Miike. It’s a great credit to Roth that he included this, as it shows his acknowledgment of Miike’s contribution to modern horror. If you don’t know what I’m talking about or who this guy is go here. And don’t forget to check out Hostel on DVD and available through the link below or any fine retail establishment near you. Until next time, this is Maximilian Devers, reminding you to make sure you keep your powder dry - and to be careful out there… |
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